Doubt (Live) - Mary J. Blige and Taylor Swift

I wasn't going to dedicate a whole blog post about this song but this song just triggers so many emotions in me all at once that I had to.

The first time I heard this song, I heard just a snippet of it while watching Taylor Swift's 1989 World Tour Live. Mary J. Blige performed it at one of Taylor's concerts and the first words that I heard from the snippet was "BUT I CAN'T KEEP DOUBTING MYSELF ANYMORE" being belted out by Mary J. Blige herself. After that, I Spotified the song and I just broke down. It had struck a chord.

One thing that I do not like to advertise to people let alone like to make it known on social media is how unhappy I am with my life and with myself. This isn't something new. I've been dealing with this for a while. (Almost 3 years) There is NO ONE to blame as to why I am unhappy and there are many factors leading up to how I feel.

"If you're unhappy with life, then do something about it" could be said to me a billion times and I still would feel the same.

Because things are easier said than done.

Because what I'm feeling just doesn't go away one morning and everything is perfectly fine.

No matter how good of a mood I am the night before, every morning is a different struggle.

I "fight" my unhappiness by burying it deep and pretending that I'm not unhappy. But that just builds up. I've been trying so hard not to do this anymore and just accept it.

FUN FACT: Not everyone will understand why you feel this way. I struggled with that a lot. Hell, I didn't even understand why I felt unhappy at first. BUT THAT IS OKAY. There doesn't need to be a reason as to why people are unhappy in life.

Listening to this song has helped me accept that this is my life and that no one is going to live it for me. This song has given me the inspiration to slowly get away from the dark cloud of self-pity that is always hovering over me. (It will always be an epic battle of Me vs Self-pity) The inspiration to stop doubting my capacity. The inspiration to stop doubting my full potential. The inspiration to just be me.

Damn, I kinda got teary-eyed while writing this post. Hahaha!

PS. I included MJB and Taylor's version of the song because I liked what Taylor said at the beginning. You can watch MJB's official music video here.